Remembering Mother
I wrote this in a personal journal for my daughter and I am sharing these thoughts with those who love their mothers and hope you will remember to always cherish her, love her , honour her, for indeed she is the hand that rocks the cradle.
Posted in July 2005:
I remember a book called My Mother, Myself by Nancy Friday - about a daughter’s search for identity. This was the first book of its kind then that explored the interaction between mother and daughter. I cant remember much of it, I read it when I was 17 years old - why? again I didnt know then the need to understand why my mother and I could not be friends came from somewhere deep within me - at 17 years old in those days, there were few channels I could use for research and reference. I picked up the book because I was desperate and frustrated. One thing I do remember is that we all grow up thinking we aint like our mother but we always end up like them. Till today I still do not believe we are alike except for physical likeness.
“Mothers may love their children, but they sometimes dont like them” said the author. That is so true.
It took me a long time to realise she did the best that she could for her children and I didnt appreciate her struggles and sacrifices. The lesson I gain from this is to love my child as openly and deeply as possible and teach her the power of expression. Mama will love princess till it hurts but will not hesitate to spank for any mischiefs but princess is rarely naughty.
Mother passed away suddenly in the middle of the night at 3am Sunday morning on Jan 14, 2002. Just 6 hours earlier I had dinner with her after spending the entire day shopping. I woke up princess who was then 5yrs old, she opened her eyes and I told her, and she said why? Why indeed dear God? She was only 66 yrs old, princess was just deprived of her last grandparent. Who could she run to when her little heart is secretly hurt by mama? Who will take her side and wipe her tears and tell her mama has been naughty to hurt little princess.
I cried and cried all week and after four years , I still cry when I think of her, even as I write this now. I truly did and still do, love my mother.
That week of her passing my senses were wired up. At the end of the first week, it came to me that she was in a happier place. Had dreams of her leaving us farther and farther. She had joined my father in another journey and I am happy for them. It was only after that “illumination” that I was pacified by her passing. Am not sure if things would have been different had she been alive today. It is said in all the holy books, you reap what you sow. I can now make this statement without falling apart that my mother never could hug or hold me but she loved me no less, in fact she loved me a lot. She didnt sow much in that department and despite all the knowledge within me , I could not hug or hold her either. I am a mother myself and I love my child no matter what.
The day she died, I saw mother in the mirror and then I realised that it was me. This was affirmed by many comments after that, and despite my resistance I am becoming like my Mother and I would like to believe what I inherit is her priceless and foremost dedication to family, her hardwork and nobility. A child will become the colour that her mother coloured her and the shape that her mother shaped her.
She passed away 18 months after my father died, maybe it was her will to join him, who knows, for they had been together since childhood. I remember Gilbert Sullivan’s song, and its truly sad:
To think that only yesterday , I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to well wouldn’t do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally
It seems to me that there are more heartsbroken in the world that can’t be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?
Alone again, naturally
Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand
why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
It is said in the holy book of Quran that Paradise lies beneath her feet……. the eminence given to mothers ….. something for us to reflect further……
For my dear daughter, there is a lesson in this.
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May 9th, 2006 @ 3:32 pm
I must say reading this brought tears to my eyes. Unlike you Nora I am very happy to say that I have a wonderful relationship with my mum and Thank God for it. You know you are right about we all will turn out like our mothers in some ways. I am a Mother too. I have one daughter Shania. She is my first born. Sadly Shania suffers from “Edwards Syndrome”. Their lifespan is short, they do not survive until 1year. But Shania is a fighter. She turned 2 in April 12 2006. She has 4 holes in the heart. One big and 3 small but thankfully the bigger one has closed. She has problems sleeping at night, she only sleeps at 3,4 or somethimes 5 in the morning everyday!!!!. Life has been like a roller coaster. Every time I look at my daughter I cry. There’s so much I want to tell you but maybe someday soon. I wish to keep it short. You can check about Edwards on the net. Just to let you know Nora I am sorry about your loss. I believe you’re a wonderful Mother and you write beautifully. Take care.
May 9th, 2006 @ 10:00 pm
My mother was my best friend. I loved her deeply and after she died could not believe that I could ever hurt like that again. Then I had my children. It hurt when my son left home and I am sure that I will have a few more hurtful episodes. When I hear of children and parents arguing, I try to tell them that they should stop and love each other inspite of their faults because when you are parted they would wish that they got along.
May 11th, 2006 @ 8:13 am
I am still crying while penning this. I miss my mother (God rests her soul). Its been almost a decade she’s gone but her memories and her love is as fresh as the flower’s bloom. There were so many ‘I should haves’ even till now but what’s the point? To the others who have their mothers still, no matter how bad (we think) they are, treat her well. There is no love as great as a mother’s love. Happy Mother’s Day!
May 13th, 2006 @ 10:26 am
Nora, it is sad your mother is no more with you. All daughters have their disagreements with their mother somewhere along growing up..when we become mothers ourselves..we realise how precious our mothers are. But because we are egoistic and believe we can do better than our mothers..we continue to disagree with them when give advice. This has and is happening to me, i still disagree with a lot of things she says and never admit to her i am wrong even though I love her very much.. But lately i have realised (when I turned 50) I actually have done things as she had advised!! But it seems very difficult to say sorry that I had been wrong and she had been right all along.I am sure she is not expecting that from me..I know she loves me very much as I love my kids. Luckily she is still around (she is 80)…and before I regret I am going to make ammendments..All mothers are beautiful loving people…To all the wonderful mothers out there..Happy Mother’s Day.
May 17th, 2006 @ 11:05 am
Dear Shirely
Thank you for your comment in this blog and a separate one that you sent to my email. I hope you will find the wisdom why this happens, but I see that your child is the angel that will hold your hand to walk this life. I sincerely hope you will consider pranic healing as I suggested. Remain the strong woman that you are and will always be.
God Bless You and Shania
Nora
May 17th, 2006 @ 11:11 am
Dear Bibi
Because you had loved your mother that much, your children love you that much. Never doubt the universe will give to you that which you have earned. Its karma and it never fails you. Your son will return and when he does, you shall receive twice that you lose. Have faith in this, continue to send him blessings because the love energy is the strongest form of energy that exists…simply put, when someone receives a lot of love from another, and unconditional, he has to respond in the same manner.
Nora
May 17th, 2006 @ 11:18 am
Dear Molly
I so understand what you are feeling, but if you let her go, you will then be able to find, within you, in your heart a way to communicate with her, like I do. If you think in terms of the eternal life she is in right now, then you will recognise there is really no death and separation. If you pray a lot or meditate, you will find some answers and forgiveness. For all the prayers that you do for her, she does the same for you too. Take heart, cheer up , the sun is shining, make the best of your life. Be happy.
Nora
May 17th, 2006 @ 11:28 am
Dear Usha
And your children will too make amends with you, one day, as you will make amend with your mother! I am happy for you that you still have the opportunity to make things right by her. There is nothing wrong in disagreeing, all arguments are right, in your mind thats your truth, and in her mind, thats her truth, so no one is really wrong. So don’t be sorry. My daughter argues with me all the time (& she’s 9 yrs old, mind you) but as long as she has an opinion and speaks up, I think its her right, as long as she is not rude. Remember that a child is the shape and colour that her mother shapes her! And my daughter never fails to tell me, what she is , is because her mother shapes her! Like I said, she is only 9! can you imagine the days to come?
Nora
August 5th, 2006 @ 7:14 pm
Nora good morning. Thank you very much for sending me your email. I agree with you that mothers are angels. But I have problem with my mother, she never loves me, she has rejected me for some mistakes I committed in childhood in ignorance. And because of that I have never have what is a mother in my heart instead I loved my mother very much, she is the first person I loved dearly in my heart and in the world. But as I was growing up I did not yet express this love to her and she has been hurting me deeply for a long time for the mistakes I did in ignorance. This fact has hurt me deeply and make me to hate her in my heart and to hide my feelings from her because I’m to fragile in my heart and emotions because I’m fatherless since 10 months and I was away from her in my childhood so I never know what is father, what is mother really, never have affection and love from parents and family and people. I’m hiding it from inside from people not to know it and it is what i’m suffering from. In the family they don’t know what i’m suffering from. That is my really problem. I have never been loved in my family. I’m someone who needs to be loved truly, I’m someone who needs and wants affetion, love and emotional things but they never knew that. I’m hiding it in my heart and I’m sick for that but people don’t know and it is what really I’m suffering from before God but my brothers and sisters and my family never knew that because I’m secretful and hiding it my heart and it is destroying me. Actually, I’m in a big problem for that and don’t know what to do. Can you help me? What advice can you give me? I have deep wound in my heart.
Thank you for your reply. Good bless you.